so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
