I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
