Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
