I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Randomize
