he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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