my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
