It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
