I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
