My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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