It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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