it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize