Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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