Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
