i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
