got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
