I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
