I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
