Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
