I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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