So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
