Michael Bay diarrhea
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
