I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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