Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
