I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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