Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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