Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
