Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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