shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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