Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
