Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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