tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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