i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
