Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize