I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
