Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
