Im at strip club and am horny
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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