He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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