Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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