This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
