I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
