it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
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He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
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The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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