im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
