were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
