I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
