Ambien. No doubt about it.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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