need another drink. this is the easiest way
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
