No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
