When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize