Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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