Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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