i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
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Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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