there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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