I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize