either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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