it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
