so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
