I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
