I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
