I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
