he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Shame is for Republicans.
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