I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize