Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
