And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
