He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
