We're like a lot better than the average bears
Too much gin, very little bucket
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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