I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
