we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
