Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
